Krabi and self-actualisation. Yeah, it happened.

Happy in Krabi, Thailand, April 2017

This time last year, I decided I was going to do something about my impact in the world as an individual and end my suffering at my office job.

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895 words; 4.5 min read

In between seeing my grandma in Kuala Lumpur and hearing about her woes about her children's plan to sell her house and conversations about business with a special friend in my life in Krabi (who flew all the way from Turkey), I made the decision.

I made the decision to quit my full-time job that paid me a six-figure salary but didn't give me the joy and fulfilment I was seeking.

The climax to this story was how I felt the day I handed in my resignation letter.  It was pure bliss.  Excitement!  CLARITY.  I had so much clarity!  Suddenly, I was able to zoom in on my imaginary roadmap.  I had experienced a joy that was so – oddly enough – centred, just because I had taken that step.

By August 2017, I had already packed up all my things (fully furnished two-bedroom apartment) and organised them to be stored in a storage unit.  I didn't know what the future held for me at this point, but originally had planned to stay with grandma in KL for two months.  During the two months, I confirmed that this was a path laid out for me, and that I was going to pursue my dreams, to make them come true.

My dream is to really touch people's lives and leave a positive legacy for the Planet.

Fast-forward to December 2017, I am now settled in KL (for now), with nothing but 15 boxes of clothes and belongings and my slick roadbike.. and a very comfy raw hide Italian leather sofa. 

I didn't think my reach was wide enough working in a corporate setting.  In Krabi, somewhere between riding on the back of a 120 cc scooter whizzing through villages in the clean, fresh air and reaching the summit of the Tiger Cave Temple after 1,260 steps, I reached a self-actualisation moment.  I must say, out of all the 'holiday' trips that I've been on all over the world, Krabi changed my life.  I wasn't phased about the world around me.  I concentrated on myself.  It was the one trip where I paused for many idle moments.  It rained on the beach one day, after our swim, we – I – just sat there, watching the waves crash.  Listening to the rain and its powerful force for reflection.  Feeling the mist of water bolstered by the wind that moistened my face.  Writing this now I'm transported back to that moment.  My eyes are swelling up with tears of gratitude.

I am so glad April 2017 happened.  It was a turning point in my life.

Retrospection is a great thing.  Quitting my job to give this endeavour a shot full-time was the best thing I ever did, since the last great thing that happened to me – migrating to Australia as a 17-year-old high school graduate.

Yes, other things had happened.  I had a difficult long-term relationship with my ex with whom I wanted to still have a relationship with – as friends, but that didn't end well.  (Stalking was involved in a major way.)  I made a bad decision to then enter into a new relationship that moved very quickly, and as a consequence I became someone's life coach and had acquired a pet dog quite early on.

I had thought about environmental engineering and fashion since 2014, and since 2016 had been inspired to put more effort into what I thought was going to be my calling.  But managing a full-on job with five days of sports and recreation, caring for a home, looking after myself, volunteering and being a support system for my family, I failed to reach an orderly system of focused thoughts. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved my job and the people I worked with, I was a trusted professional who could get anything done (most times overworked), but was not a fan of so-called management at the place.  In the midst of the chaos that was that job, I was proud that I had built my role from scratch and had sustained its relevance to the organisation.  (In times of economic regression, it's not uncommon that people like me are seen as overheads.)  I love Perth, my home this last 5 and a half years.  I love Willow, and miss her dearly, the Staffordshire Bull Terrier puppy that I had to part ways with. 

But it was time for action.  Everything in life that I've ever learned had led me to this moment.  I'm still defining my being, but 12 months ago, I decided to really commandeer how that story evolves.  

Thank you, Krabi.  I will always remember you.  Thank you Mustafa, for opening my eyes to a world of possibilities.  Thank you, world, for being kind to me.  Thank you family, friends, acquaintances and complete strangers, for showing me so much love.  I have received an enormous amount of it to keep me going for a while.

Krabi and I haven't finished creating memories together just yet.  And I'm not afraid of multiple climaxes. 

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